Super-Mullets...and the Mullet cam

So, I don't know why, but since coming to Europe I have seen more Mullets in one month- than I have seen in my entire life (and that is saying a lot since I come from Chehalis). But the aren't just mullets- the are super mullets. Some of them are long, some of them are short. Some of them involve very elaborate shaved designs. Regardless- I have decided to start the "Mullet Cam" (I might call it "Mullet Vision"- who really knows). At any rate every time I see a mullet- I will get a picture with the "business in the front, party in the back" fellow- and post them.

Let the Mullet Vision Begin!

why I hate chick flicks

vs

In photo number 1 we see a very cute version of me in an adorable JCrew dress...and magically in photo number 2 we see a very disgruntled looking version of me. Why? Let's talk about this for a minute....because I am 99% sure that when I get old I will end up alone with one million books, 1 million movies, too many shoes, and a couple dogs....

Every time a girl hears me rant over my uber hatred for "chick flicks" they are shocked and amazed. I realize that I am a rare breed of woman. However, in Vienna my hatred for chick flicks is really justified.

I live in a city where literally everyone is ridiculously...um...twidderpated for lack of a better word. Every time I turn a corner I see a happy couple looking cute, or kissing passionately, and I don't get bitter, I just think (and sometimes I think it would just be better to be bitter).

The reason that I hate chick flicks is because the give people unrealistic expectations of love. If my life was a chick flick...the following things would have happened:

1) I would have married my high school boyfriend

2) My Ex-Ex-Boyfriend (who lived in Virginia) would have ran through an airport to stop me from getting on a plane back to Seattle.

3) My Ex boyfriend would have taken our one year anniversary as an opportunity to make me smile, instead of us breaking up in Vienna.

Well...let's see, I most definitely did not marry Nick, Ryan has never ran through an airport, and Zach and I are broken up for good....hmmmm....chick flicks blow.

The only films that are allowed to relate to life are Star Wars- A New Hope, Star Wars- The Empire Strikes Back, and Star Wars- The Return of the Jedi. If you have been my friend for long enough you have heard my Star Wars and life speal- so too bad. It is my blog.

So, life is like Star Wars. In the first act you meet all of the main characters, in the second act all of the main characters are put in the most impossible horrible situation imaginable (because that is more interesting), and lastly in the end the audience reaches a conclusion, evil is conquered, and ewoks dance.

Now for a long time I have felt stuck in this second scene. Symbolically my hand has been cut off, I found out that Vader was my father, and I was frozen in Carbonite...lame. And while I will always stand by my opinion that Empire is one of the greatest movies of all time, I wish that the second act would end and that some ewoks would dance...because this kind of sucks.

I guess that the bottom line for me is that karma doesn't work- at least not for me. Somehow lately I feel like some kind of higher being has been bored, and decided my life was worth laughing at. Because just when I think things can't get worse...they seem to come close.

Not to complain (t00 much) because I know that I live in a beautiful city and that in a few months I get to come home to friends and family that love me- but still, I guess that I am just baffled as to why such bad things can happen to seemingly good people....

Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart,
tell me Why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off
before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize,
Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,...
Too bad but it's the life you lead you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right. you're right
You've got your passion, you've got your pride but don't you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize,
Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you crazy child and take the phone off the hook
and disappear for awhile it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told that
you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get half through Why don't you realize,.
Vienna waits for you
When will you realize,
Vienna waits for you?

So yes Ninja, thanks to your Billy Joel "kick" I do realize that this song is a synopsis of my life....so this- is just for you....dammit

what I love about Vienna

So on Sunday Michelle, Nicole and I decided to break out of the first district and explore a new part of the beautiful city. I have no idea where we went, but I know we rode the U4 til it hit its end, then we took a bus. Regardless the view was stunning and the sun was shinning and all in all it was just a good day to get out of the city for some country air. That is what I love about Vienna, in 20 minutes or less you can hop over to another district and feel like you are in a completely different place.

a night at the opera....

So on Saturday we all went to see Madame Butterfly, which in itself is a very depressing opera. The bummer was that our seats were terrible, and I had to stand on my tipp-toes while hovering above an old couple (creepy I know) to see anything. To be honest it was more fun to watch the orchestra half the time, but at least I was able to get dressed up, and now I feel more cultured.

so....do you think we are related?

Today was the kiddo's 18th birthday. Send him well wishes...but more so make sure he behaves himself.

justifiably disgruntled....

I have looked at a few pictures of myself over the past few weeks, and I have decided that in most of them I am justifiably disgruntled. Because, I think Europe hates me. It sensed I was coming and set out to bend me over. Let's examine this idea.......

1. my hair straightener spontaneously combusted

2. an old woman insulted my breasts

3. for hours I couldn't use my cell phone...BECAUSE IT WAS IN GERMAN!

4. I am constantly on escalators....therefore constantly falling down

5. This city is full of poo. Dog poo. Everywhere. walking is like running an obstacle course of poop.

6. I am the only person who comes to one of the most romantic cities in Europe...and ends up single... long story

7. I was mauled by a giant man in a chicken suit on stilts

8. I lost my brown sweater

There is more, but I don't want to complain. However, I still see myself as justifiably disgruntled

I shouldn't go to Irish Bars anymore.....

To get my mind off these past few days, I went to an Irish Bar last night with Michelle, Nicole, and Megan. After my first glass of Strongbow, I decided that a guy at the bar was cute. So, for our second round we moved from the barrel table we were sitting at to the bar. After round 2 I was pretty drunk and we were all ready to go...all but me. With the confidence of the wine I had with dinner and 2 pints of strong cider, I strolled right up to cute guy at the bar...and it went something like this.....

Me: (tapping him on the shoulder) Hallo...Sprechen Sie Englisch?
Him: (Looking at me as if he doesn't speak German or English) Ja...
Me: I had a bad day, can I have a hug.
Him: (merely looks at me very confused)
Me: ( Held my arms out and looked pathetic) Hug, bitte?
Him: (laughs and gives me a big hug) ja!ja!ja!ja!

The girls couldn't stop laughing....and I got my hug. I went home and passed out, and was slightly hung over this morning. There is nothing like learning German when you are either still drunk...or real hung-over.

I make bad choices.

today Vienna did not have enough shoe stores....

So, in an effort to make myself feel better after how bad the past few days have been, I decided to take my Grandpa up on his offer to buy me a pair of shoes for the Opera. It was as if stepping into a store that didn't carry Birkenstocks awakened within me the shoe beast that usually lays dormant somewhere inside my mind. But, the beast awoke, and I ended up with a few pairs of shoes.

Needless to say, not onle did I end up with golden colored high heels with a pretty flower....I ended up with some really cute/hott/sexy wedges.

I'm not allowed to buy shoes for awhile......haha, at least I am not drowning my sorrows in over-priced chocolate. This seemed far more constructive.

my thoughts on Europeans....

Today I went to the Donau Insle...and I saw A LOT of people that were either in spedos, or naked. I was very disturbed, but what disturbs me more is the 2 generalizations I have made about the men and women in Europe.

Here are my two broad generalizations...

of the men- "European.....or gay?"

of the women- "European....or slutty?"

as the generalizations explain- if the people are dressed, the men look gay and the women look like sluts- not in a good way. It makes me laugh.

at least I wasn't the only one who fell on my face today....

Last night I was standing in front of an U-Bahn station wrapping-up what could have been one of the worst days I have had in Vienna. I was saying goodnight to a few friends, when all of a sudden a guy, who must have been at least in his late 20s, comes flying at us at lightning speed in nothing less....but "wheelies." You know, "wheelies," those shoes with wheels in them that every American child between the ages of 4-9 own. I remember thinking, "wow that guy has balls...he seems a little old for wheelies." Then he hit a bump in the side walk and tumbled for what seemed like forever. I ran over to him to help in up, but he got up on his own and awkwardly shook my hand. As soon as I knew he was gone we all couldn't stop laughing. It was as if some higher power was saying, "hey Erin, I know that YOUR like really sucks....but at least you aren't the guys with the wheelies." So let me tell you all about how my life got twisted upsidown........

After a few days of talking it over- I moved out of mine and Zach's room. I don't really want to go into details about what happened, but we are still together....just not living together any longer.

So after a hard decision, and me being very, justifiably angry, I decided that it would be a good time to walk, get some air, and look for a pretty dress for the opera. The problem is..... the stores here make no sense! The are all disorganized and all of the sales people look like the want to kill you. I would have given my pinky toe for a Macys. I finally decided that I would ask a nice looking old woman for help because she looked sweet. In my best German I asked her wear I could find a nice looking dress for the opera. At the time I was wearing a slightly low-cut shirt. She proceeded to start talking very fast and pointing at my breasts. I was confused and just blurted out, "nein....Klied? bitte?" which in English roughly translates to, "no.....Dress? please?" after thinking it over I decided that it sounds equally stupid in both languages. She gave me a stern look and told me to go straight and to the left. When I went straight and to the left, I found myself in the bra department........ dammit.

I gave up on the dress hunt, and headed back to the room to back up my things. With the help of Michelle and Kristen, we began the long journey across town so I could go stay with Nicole for a few days until I get a new place to stay. I decided that I wanted to drown my sorrows in some ice cream, 4 scoops of ice cream actually. The problem arose when I got on to a crowded U-Bahn with my backpacking pack and a huge ice cream. Poor Kristen had to guard my back, because if I turned around too fast I was likely to knock someone over.

We finally got to Nicole's and all was well. I got settled in and Nicole made me laugh and cheered me up. We all went to a cafe to do homework. At the Cafe the crazy Austrian next to me kept blowing smoke in my face, and he kept making fun of my homework.

We ate dinner at a place called Centimeters, that served up Schnitzle the size of you face. I was happy when it was time to call it a night- and that is when I saw the wheelie guy fall on his face. It really seemed to put everything into perspective..... In a sense this everything that happened over the past few days made me feel like I had fallen on my face concerning my living situation here in Vienna, but, at least I wasn't the only one who had fallen on my face that day...

The Imperial Zoo!

I am very scared of European zoos. For starters, if the animals are caged you can get dangerously close to them. And if they aren't caged (like the bats) they just fly in front of your face and scare the bejezus out of you.

I also had a problem with the bathrooms. The first time I have tried to pee in a public restroom for free in this country I had issues. the moment I locked myself in the stall the damn toilet flooded unprovoked. NOT OKAY! I WAS WEARING MY BIRKS! That did not rock my socks....

Besides that the zoo was pretty sweet.... here is a link to the pics

http://washington.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2133643&l=1d8ec&id=10723530

I Live in the Hood

Let's talk about my ghetto dorm...because I seriously live in the Hood. For starters, all of the lights are crap. They don't really work at all- but what they do well is flicker. All of the time. I feel like I live in the insane asylum from "Gothika," and it is not okay! Our bathroom smells all of the time because all of the water damage equates to some pretty wicked mold.

My building is sandwiched between an Orthodox Jewish Synagogue and a Turkish Market. I love Jewish culture- but these people sing until 11 or 12 o'clock at night, and they sound like dying/beached whales.

Fancy, eh?

schloss schönbrunn

Schloss Schönbrunn was probably one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. In fact, I think I want to live there. Each room seemed more elaborate than the next, but more than anything the grounds were just stunning. I don't really know what else to say....

I drink too much in this country and make poor choices......

I can honestly tell you that I have never seen a series of photos that depicts a night of debauchery so well. Let me tell you how this evening began. After a very long climb up Mount Leopold, we all decided that we should go out for some wine to cap the night off. We found a really cool winery in the inner city, and after about an hour we managed to rack up a 139 Euro bill between the 13 of us. Dammit. But, we did manage to meet a group of Austrians who led us to an underground club in the city that played all American music. Needless to say, by the end of the night I was skipping down the streets, and it was REALLY hard to go to school and learn German the next morning.

I was mauled my a man on stilts dressed as a giant chicken.....

I went to the Schloss Schonbrunn Easter Market on Sunday before I toured the palace and went to the zoo. To my surprise I was actually mauled my a giant chicken man. I think it was the hilarious hi-light of the day.....

Ninja is the only one who reads my blog, but I still miss Becs and Britt

While in Vienna I have made lots of new friends, however... I still miss the old ones back home. And everywhere I go, there are things to make me think of them.......

I'll start out with my Ninja, because I know she is reading this:

In this city EVERYONE has dogs. Everyone. And the dogs don't have leashes. The Viennese treat their dogs like people. The dogs just walk next to their owners (no leashes) and poo all over the streets. It is bizarre. I can give you one guess why this reminds me of you Ninji...........

Movin' on to my Britt. I had a day where I was missing her laugh very much, when all of a sudden a spotted our favorite apples at a market. I could not believe I found Pink Ladies in Europe. I also eat ice cream all of the time that is 10 times better that our beloved ColdStone.

And last, but not least, my Becca. I miss waking up to her, and I miss her bed. My mattress here has a huge hole in it...so that is cool. More than anything, I went on a beautiful hike up Mount Leopold, and I know the view would have taken her breath away.

So basically I am having fun over here, but I miss you all very much. I hope that you are all taking wonderful care of my TV (lord knows I was going to take it with me?) and of course all of my movies. All the movies here are in German, just like my Internet and all of the other inanimate persuasions of entertainment I hold dear. I hope that Britt is still laughing, Becs is still dancing, and that my lil Ninja is still treating her doggy like he is people.

wrapping my head around religion

I just celebrated my first Easter in Europe, and more than anything it just got me thinking about religion. I stopped believing in God when I was 15, because I could not bring myself to subscribe to any belief that would condemn my father to any kind of Hell. Every since, I have longed to be naive enough to give myself blindly over to a belief, but I just can't seem to do it.

Every day I walk by the Stephansdom. A few days ago, Zach and I were able to sneak past the guards through the gates to get a closer look at the inside of the church, and sit in on a Catholic mass. While the art is beautiful, I still can't understand the power of religion. I think when something horrible happens in your life, most people swing one of two ways. They either blindly flock to religion for the answers to their problems; or they do what I did, and search for answers within themselves. I don't think anyone can really understand what I am talking about unless something truly tragic has befallen them.

I can honestly say that I have been a bit unlucky in life at times. However, rather than flock to an opiate of the masses, I still prefer to search for the answers within myself. But that is just me........

I think I miss dyer sheets.......

So, after a little over a week in Vienna I think I am in love with this city. However, albeit beautiful, there are a few things that I find strange. In my first week and a half here, I have noticed the following:

• In Vienna, you can buy cigarrattes out of vending machines, but you can't fnd a drinking fountain or go to the bathroom without paying money
• my Google is all in German......
• All of the people here have dogs, and a lot of the owners tend to resemble their pets
• Everything here that is for tourists has Mozart's name in front of it...as if that makes it more commercial
• there is a McDonalds on every block
• no one wears Birkenstocks
• Everyone puts their cloths out to hang dry, so I can't find/buy any dryer sheets (I miss the way my cloths smell)

I don't know what the Viennese have against peeing for free and or water for all, but everyone here also seems to smoke. It stinks, but it is easy enough to get used to. Legally drinking is also pretty sweet, I can't lie.

HOLY BEST DAY EVER BATMAN!

It was a day like any other day back in high school. It was a Saturday at the Olympia Mall, and JK was pushing me on his skateboard to the Sweet Factory so we could get some sour ropes. When we arrived, we recieved a rather odd look from the girl working the stand. The conversation went something like this....

Mean Sweet Factory Worker: Are you guys ummm....together?

JK and Myself: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....no

Mean Sweet Factory Worker (speaking to me): Good, because he is waaaaaaaaaaaay too good looking for you......

JK and Myself: shocked into silence.

Why do I always tell this story....because it is hilarious. So why was today the best day ever? BECAUSE JK IS COMING TO VISIT ME IN VIENNA!

Surrealism

For all of my loyal readers out there, if you were curious at all- yes I named this blog in homage to Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. Why? Because the only film greater than Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, was Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Today, March 20, marks a date of true and utter surrealism. I am leaving for Vienna in a week. It has got me thinking about all the things I will miss about America….

My Movies
My Books
On Demand
The History Channel
The Fire Place at my Nana and Papa’s
My cell phone
Becca’s Bed
Britt’s laugh
Ninja’s VHS collection
Trader Joe’s Hummus
Crown Royal
The big red fuzzy blanket on Zach’s bed (good for naps)
All things Bruce Campbell
The Rock Wall at the IMA
The easy to understand and comprehend English language
The way my mom is hotter than me
Half Priced Books
Magus Books
Not really Twice Sold Tales (cats freak me out…the judge you with their judgmental eyes)
Daily calls to and from my Grandparents
Subway
Fruit Snacks and People’s Green Tea from the U-Book Store
Insulting the REALLY stupid customers that come into the store after they leave
Guitar Hero
My shower curtain that is really a map of the world
Russell Peters inside jokes with !Becca and !Scott
Quentin Tarantino films…
Walking to school with Becca in the morning
Waking Ninja up with “STEAM ROLLERS!”
Winn’s photography
My family…and everything about them
The way my friends make me laugh
falling asleep to foreign films and waking up thinking I can speak foreign languages…

Metalocalypse
Adult Swim in General...

Albeit a long list, I’m sure I could go on…. Just like I am sure that Vienna will rock my socks minus all of the things I will miss about America. Meh